Today was the first time I have seen a medical doctor in just over a year. I never know whether I feel inundated with the system at large, or whether I am a disappearing digit in the monstrous machine? Having to re-recite the lifetime of physical and mental health issues gets old. I wish they would just pull the records and review them. I want them to know where I have been and I want to feel less like “just another patient before it’s time to clock out” patient who is more than the sum of my Birthday and Full Name. And; “by the way..what did you say the last 4 digits of your social was hun?”
Most of the time the panic going into a doctors’ office is overwhelming. I held my ground today. I rode a new bus route and saw a brand new doctor. I had blood drawn and got appropriately poked and prodded. Everyone was wonderful, cheerful, helpful and sympathetic to my need to be under regular medical care. That felt great. Helped to keep me focused on knowing I was safe.
On the other hand; in filling out all the paperwork and history feels so sterile. So wrote. So surreal. I’m trying to condense my life and the lives of my immediate family down into a 4 minute rundown. Pop, swish, scribble, scribble..and your 10 minutes are up. All that was before the doctor came.
Dr. Doris was wonderful, kind and gentle. And happy to see me take an active part in my care. I ask lots of questions. And today, I got right down to business. It also meant I had her ear, and time to cover my expectations and needs of being there.
So, out today for another step forward and a new bus route..yikes. then the office experience..boom freaked… boom high, boom kinda scary, boom mellow happy, boom, more bus, getting dark, safe and sound and feeling bounced.
Retiring with tea and a book comfortably medicated and feeling accomplished.
Here sits the life of being Bipolar.